"I thought I'd never hear the screams of pain of see the look of terror in a young man's eyes. Thank heaven for children." (7G05)


"They say the greatest tragedy is when a father outlives his son. I've never fully understood why that is. Frankly, I can see an up side to it." (9F09)


"Well, whenever I'm confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answer to all the important questions." (9F16)


"Y'know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to." (1F21)


"I got a home remedy that'll put the zowzers back in your trousers." (2F07)


"I'm an Elk, a Mason, a Communist... I'm president of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance for some reason... Ah, here it is. The Stonecutters." (2F09)


"We all got to stick together if we're going to have any hope of bringing that awful Homer to justice." (2F20)


"We're not allowed to read newspapers; they angry up the blood." (4F17)


"My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pic, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star!" (3G04)


"Son, don't go up that mountain - you'll die up there, just like I did!" (5F16)


"I haven't felt this relaxed and carefree since I was watch commander at Pearl Harbor." (AABF16)